Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?
16.06.2025 00:17
I had run out of hope.
So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.
Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.
Have you ever answered your door in lingerie?
It’s here now, writing to you.
But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.
Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.
How do you feel about Donald Trump signing an executive order that says there are only two genders?
This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.
It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.
Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.
How do you get a girl to like you?
The sadness was still there.
It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.
What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.
It’s still here.
Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.
So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”
In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.
It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.
You are like me, then.
It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.
But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.
When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.
Is it legal for an employer to ask why you are taking time off from work?
And the sadness?
I was tired of trying and failing.
What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.
Do humans know everything they need to know?
I was tired of fighting.
Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.
Be who you already are.
Did another parent ever tell you something about your child that you didn’t know?
You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.
For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.